More of this

A messy middle post about making space for things that help

I am thrilled that so many of you found last week’s post helpful and encouraging. So often when I write things here, I am mostly just reminding myself of things that feel important, and I share them trusting that someone else may also need to hear them. If you missed it, you can read it here:

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Since I last wrote about decluttering my life (i.e. things I have been eliminating to reduce overwhelm), I thought that today it might be helpful to elaborate on what I am adding in order to support that same need.

Photo by Valentina Ivanova on Unsplash

These are rituals, items, and investments that I am making space for in my life because they help with my anxiety, reduce time spent doomscrolling, give me comfort, hope, encouragement, and joy, connect me to community, allow me to support others, and remind me of my values and the kind of life I want to live. Things that make me think, more of this.

Rituals

• Waking up early: I have found, especially as a parent, I need a bit of time before the rest of the house stirs to get out of bed and start my morning routine, otherwise I am immediately overwhelmed. Having that bit of quiet without any lights on in order to wake up gently really makes a difference in how I move through the rest of the day.

• Spending time outside: I’ve mentioned here before how easy it is for me to spend days without stepping foot outside my house if I don’t have a “reason” for going outside, but there is a huge shift in my mood and energy if I make time to stand on my back deck even for just a moment and listen to the birds every day.

• Drinking tea: This isn’t always a mindful moment or ritual for me, but I’m trying to make sure that I am taking time to enjoy a cup of tea here and there (while it’s still at that sweet spot of just-hot-enough), to really savour it. Those little pauses can help bring me back to myself a bit.

• Reading: This includes my slow-reads, of course, but also my Substack reading, audiobooks, etc. Each has its own benefits and feels accessible to me at different times throughout my day or week. (For more about my reading habits, you can check out this post or read about my Reading Queue.)

• Sending snail mail: I’ve been buying some really interesting stamps and cards to keep on hand so I can send mail to my friends more often. Being able to sit down and write a note or letter to someone I care about and know that they’ll soon be holding it just brings me so much joy.

• Sweeping (almost) daily: Since I’ve been decluttering and we’ve been tidying more frequently as a family, it’s so much easier to sweep most days. For me, the act of sweeping is actually quite enjoyable and satisfying when there’s not a bunch of things in the way. There have still been a few days when I didn’t have the energy, but I just feel better when I take a few minutes to get the floor clear. I’m looking forward to enjoying a (mostly) crumb-free floor as warmer weather comes and I start wearing my slippers less frequently.

• Gentle movement: This can be so tricky for me, between my POTS and my ADHD and my occasional fatigue, but I’m beginning to think of movement much differently than I used to, which has made it more accessible for me. Instead of feeling like I need to do a full workout in order to be worth it, I’ve started jumping on my trampoline for just a couple minutes some mornings and getting up more often throughout the day. I still want to start doing yoga again, and I have hopes that when both kids are in school in the fall, I’ll be able to ease into more regular movement, but I can feel a difference even with these seemingly small changes for now.

• Listening to music or podcasts: I sometimes go through long periods without listening to music because I just don’t think about it, but it can help a lot with my anxiety and general mood, so I’m trying to make time for it more often. I also really enjoy podcasts, especially as a form of body-doubling or to give my brain something to do while I’m creating with my hands.

• Making things by hand: For me, this includes things like baking, making zines, knitting, crocheting, painting, drawing, etc. I can’t do all these things all the time, but doing any of them regularly is so fulfilling. I think that especially as a chronically ill stay-at-home parent and writer, it can be easy for me to get to the end of the day and feel as if I haven’t really accomplished anything. Doing something with my physical body when I can, and having a tangible object to show for it, just feels really good.

• Burning candles: I am a person who loves to buy candles and has historically struggled to actually burn them. Instead of waiting for a special occasion or what feels like the “right” time, I’ve started lighting a candle to help set the tone for my day. This means that I’m actually starting to use up some of the candles I’ve bought, and it also makes a quiet morning feel a little cozier and more special.

• Playing: This is another thing that I can easily forget to do, and it can feel difficult to make space for it, but I’m always glad when I do. I’m trying to say yes more often when my kids invite me to play, and I’m also trying to make time to play games I enjoy. My husband and I just jumped back into our Stardew Valley farm over the weekend, and I’m looking forward to playing more soon.

Items and investments

• A CSA¹ box: Last year, I briefly tried buying a more significant amount of our produce from the local farmer’s market, but the extra trip and having to stand in the heat every week wasn’t a realistic option for me, and I found that it was difficult to plan meals beforehand without being sure we’d find the ingredients I needed there. With the CSA box, I’ll be able to plan meals and the rest of the shopping for the week based on what we receive the day before. I’m so excited to sign up in April and begin picking up our weekly box in June!

• Childcare: My husband and I left the kids with a friend on Saturday so we could clear out the new kitchen space² and spend some time together. We can’t afford to do this all the time, but since we’re generally trying to be more intentional with our spending, I want to prioritize more days like this for us.

• Artists and writers: Another way I am being intentional about spending is with preorders, subscriptions, and art from creators whose work I really admire. One of my favourite things each month is receiving snail mail from

  Sarah Shotts
  . I recently preordered poetry books from
  Hannah
  and
  Alix Klingenberg
  that I am so excited to read this autumn, and I just ordered a physical copy of this zine by
  Lena Elizer
  which I can't wait to receive. As we declutter and finally begin putting up some of the frames I’ve been saving for literal years, I’ll also be getting a few art prints I’ve had my eye on.

• Local restaurants and cafes: I have been trying to prioritize buying from smaller local businesses whenever possible. I rely a lot on safe/same foods when I’m struggling, so this isn’t always an easy choice, but we recently started swapping a weekly breakfast order from a bigger chain to a local cafe that offers some similar options, and I’ve been keeping a short list of local restaurants I love so when we decide to order food, I have a manageable amount of choices that I’ve already thought about recently.

• Weighted blanket: I don’t often share purchasable objects here, because I don’t want to sell anything. I was gifted a weighted blanket last year from a friend, which helped immensely with my anxiety. Unfortunately, one of the kids threw up on it after only a couple of months of use, and we didn’t have the bandwidth to clean it properly. I recently invested in a new one (with a washable cover!) that is meant to be breathable enough even for summer, and I will be guarding it with my life. My sleep has been so much better.

• Acupressure mat: I bought my mat (with acupressure pillow) quite a while ago, but it was harder to access and remember to use it where I kept it before. I’ve now given it a home next to my bed and have been making time to use it at least once a week. I carry so much tension in my neck and shoulders, and this helps release that while also calming me down before sleep.

• Tattoo plans: Investing in artists and being intentional about my spending also means that I am working on plans for my next tattoo. It makes me so happy to look down at my arms and see the gorgeous work there, and I want to prioritize adding to it.

• Travel: This isn’t something we’re able to do every year, and with working on our kitchen and some other plans, I’m not sure yet whether we’ll be able to plan a trip the way that I’d like for this year, but I want to be keeping it in mind. I always feel so much more myself when I’m near the ocean, and I’m really hoping we can find a way to get back there soon.

I want to acknowledge that the items on this list which require a financial investment come with a certain amount of privilege. I grew up with very little expendable income and am grateful that I now have enough wiggle room to make some of these choices, and since I am avoiding amazon and impulse buying, it’s easier to justify spending more money in areas where it feels particularly meaningful to me.

As usual, this isn’t meant to be prescriptive or comparative. This is just a list of things that I have been trying to prioritize for myself because they are accessible and nourishing for me. Please feel free to take what works for you and leave the rest.

Is there anything on my list that you’re also wanting to make more space for? Anything I left out that you want to share? Let me know in the comments! And as always, feel free to share if this resonated with you.

1. CSA stands for community supported agriculture — it means you directly pay local farmers and receive fresh, locally grown seasonal produce

2. We’ll be moving our kitchen over to this space over the coming months, and of course since this space wasn’t being actively utilized, it quickly filled up with stuff that didn’t belong there. We still need to move some things, but we got rid of a lot of clutter, and it will be easier now to start taking the next steps to get the kitchen ready.