Daily doing

Little ways I gain momentum as a chronically ill AuDHDer

Hi, friends!

**A quick note: After almost two years of settling into this Substack, I've decided to change the name. I'm letting you know now so you're not confused when you see something different in your inbox. Starting in June, Writing Wilder will become The WilderNest. I'm still writing about the same things, but I feel like this name fits the way I want this space to feel better than the old one. You'll also notice some new images to reflect the name, and there will be an updated welcome post soon. I'll include another reminder about the change in my End of May post to help with the transition. Thanks for your patience as I work out any possible kinks. 🧡

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Last week, I wrote about how I've been working on romanticizing my life. I spent a long time waiting for my life to really start, not realizing that nothing outside of myself could give me the feeling that it finally had. I've been becoming more present to my life and really enjoying it recently, and I've noticed certain things have helped with that; most especially, actually doing things.

It's easy for me to get stuck in my head and my feelings and not act on what I really want. I finally realized I had to take more active steps to create the kind of life I want, but it isn't always easy to get and keep that kind of momentum, especially as a chronically ill AuDHDer¹. I've had to figure out ways to actually start.

It took a lot of time, intention, and support to get to this space, but one of the most vital things I’ve been doing for myself to keep momentum is to do my best to begin my days with some small, quiet actions, which I’ve been thinking of as my “daily doing.” I had plenty of days last month where I focused on rest and didn’t technically do much, but I still tried to start my days with at least a couple of things that I know help me feel like I’ve accomplished something, and that I’m capable to take on the rest of the day. This week I've also been hyperfocused on playing Stardew Valley² again, and when I get sucked into an interest like this, it's easy to put off starting anything else. Getting certain things accomplished first thing, when I have the most energy, has been really helpful.

A reminder for all of us. Photo by Ava Sol on Unsplash

Disclaimer: It would probably be more accurate to call it my almost daily doing. I still forget or decide not to do some of these things. Some days there need to be exceptions and not everything makes sense for every day. I do notice a difference when I drop off one of them for too long. It can be hard to restart even small tasks, but for me it always ends up being worth it when I can do it. The point isn’t perfection, it’s just to remember how helpful these things are for me and do my best.

I’m sharing this list here, not to tell you that you need to do any or all of these specific things, but to offer some ideas in case you’d like to examine your own morning routines/rituals and create space for something that feels nourishing.

Here is a list of my (almost) daily doing:

• Getting up: I'm adding this here because I know I'm not alone in getting sucked into my phone and staying in bed longer. Some people might benefit from more quiet time in bed, but it makes me feel sluggish the longer I stay there after waking regardless of what I’m doing. I usually take 10-20 minutes to remember how to open my eyes and take my Visible reading³ and maybe write a poem or read a couple Substack posts, but it works better the less I linger. And this actually applies to sleeping in most days as well — if I am extra tired or sick and need more rest, I try to get up and do a few things before going back to sleep, because it just feels better for me.

• Feeding cats: I usually start with this both because it's necessary and because it feels more inherently rewarding. Tabitha and Kit run to their dishes and loudly purr after being fed and it is the opposite of a thankless task. (Jon and the kids feed the dog, don’t worry!)

• Taking fiber/morning meds: This is probably a no-brainer for a lot of people, but I have to have a sort of routine or ritual to actually remember to do these things, so I do them directly after feeding the cats. Basic self-care accomplished.

• Stepping outside: I have fallen out of this habit recently (I really struggle with colder mornings, and it’s harder to do this after everyone else has woken up, so I often miss my window) but when I do manage it, I always feel a bit more calm going into the rest of the day. With summer break coming, my plan is to spend time outside with the kids every morning before it gets too hot, which I’m looking forward to, but those quiet early-morning moments are especially nice.

• Sweeping: I've mentioned before that I find the act of sweeping kind of meditative, but I never remember that when I'm telling myself I “should” do it. What works best for me is getting a bit of momentum in the morning and then I usually just naturally want to pick up the broom to clear some crumbs and end up sweeping most of the rooms. This also follows most often from a family tidy the night before, so I don’t have to move a bunch of things, and I can find a bit of a flow.

• Writing: On the days I want to work on a post⁴, I try to sit down and focus on it before tackling anything else. I have the most energy in the morning, both mentally and physically, and if I can begin before the kids are awake, it’s easier to finish with less difficulty and frustration. Individual poems can be written any time, but I still find myself writing most of them earlier in the day.

• Hard tasks: After getting my most regular morning tasks⁵ finished, I try to work on anything I need to do that’s hard for me. This often includes phone calls, paperwork — admin type things. They usually don’t take very much time, and I feel better getting them out of the way as early as possible. Because they feel so difficult to begin, though, they give me a boost that can lead to me accomplishing other unpleasant tasks. I might do a few dishes or some other cleaning, tidying, or decluttering once I’ve gotten them out of the way. To be clear, though, I don’t do these every day. I schedule them for a certain day, often stacking a couple at a time, and I try to choose a day when not much else is going on so I can either take advantage of any momentum I’ve gotten, or rest if they ended up feeling more draining.

And that’s really it!

I know that for some, this list will seem overly simplistic, and for others it might feel herculean. Depending on the day, it can feel like both for me, which is why I think it’s so important to acknowledge it. These are, generally speaking, fairly simple tasks that a lot of people do without thinking, but they can also be really challenging; and for me, they can make all the difference when starting my day.

Knowing this about myself helps me feel more capable and allows me to rest more deeply on the days I’m not getting as much done. If you struggle with getting momentum the way I do, I hope this can help you consider what small tasks might make your day easier and help you find your own flow.

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Lists like this are really personal, so I’d love to hear what would be on yours! And as always, feel free to share if this resonated with you.

1. (not to mention a doing-repressed enneagram 4 — IYKYK)

2. This is my first time playing alone, because I’ve been terrified of having to mine and fish on my own. Normally my husband would do those parts. Turns out, it’s not that bad, and I like not having to wait for Jon to be home to be able to play.

3. I use the Visible app to track chronic illness symptoms. There's a feature that measures your heart rate and heart rate variability (HRV) which can help me decide how to pace myself throughout the day. It's best to do it in bed before getting up, otherwise I would try to avoid my phone altogether first thing.

4. Working on my poetry book usually only happens on weekends at the moment, but I still like to start in the morning after breakfast, especially since this is a more time-consuming task.

5. I didn’t mention breakfast because my husband generally makes it for me unless we’re ordering out. It usually happens after fiber (unless I want heartburn) and before anything else (except writing, sometimes) because I need to eat pretty quickly after waking if I don’t want to feel sick.

(Also, I know that someone will be appalled I didn’t mention coffee — I love both coffee and tea, but it really depends on the day. Plus, I drink mostly decaf because caffeine often messes with my POTS and gives me anxiety, so it’s not a prerequisite for waking up and getting things done for me.)